Adventure Is Out There (Part I)

When I was 8, I had a “boyfriend” named Gabriel. I called him Gabe. I thought he was CAYUTE y’all; we wrote each other notes and would ride our bikes home together with our little friend group. 

 

It was close to summertime in 2003 – my favorite time as a kid. We had a little Waterpark in the front of our suburban housing development. I lived about 5 blocks away from Gabriel so the promise of laughter and time together swimming and playing was just within reach. Until I received a phone call (remember landlines? Aka lifelines for your social life back in the day). 

 

“I don’t want to date you anymore you have too many jelly rolls!”

Laughter filled the earpiece, more than one voice too.

 

I was confused, the only jelly rolls I knew about were donuts. Donuts? I have too many donuts? 

 

I checked the caller ID, it was Gabe’s home phone. Did I just get broken up with?

What had happened? 

 

I went to sleep, not knowing the words to place to my aching heart and racing mind, but knowing that sinking feeling was an indication of something deep within my soul stirring. 

 

I was ignored by Gabe but something didn’t seem right – he seemed remorseful in his glances, but never spoke. 

What was happening? 

Woe was 8 year old Allison, the drama. The ~angst~ the heartbreak. 

 

Summer came upon us and I found myself at the pool playing away my troubles and cares when I suddenly became aware of the difference in my body and the other girls around me. I was skin and bones but they were skinnier and bonier…was this what prompted the phone call? 

 

I was 8 when I first started thinking I was unattractive and comparing my body to other girls. 

 

C’mon, Al. Jelly Rolls? REALLY?! That was the genesis of a lifelong battle with a contorted, twisted body image?! Those boys were so young, what did they know about what they were saying…

 

Fast forward, it’s present day 2019.

I’m in what’s called a Ger in Omnigovi, Mongolia. The Gobi desert. 

*For visual help, think of a white, cylindrical Teepee, a little chimney peeking out from the top, surrounded by goats, sheep and a whole lot of barren land with dry grass and long rolling hills* 

 

We’re with a family that speaks zero English but has a pure love like I’ve never seen before. That’s a whole other blog (i keep promising that don’t I?) – I’m slouched on a chaise that acts as a bed with a pile of 5 sleeping bags resting behind my back. My eyes darting back and forth through the pages of “Captiving”: a book about recapturing your femininity created by Christ. 

 

“Therefore I am now going to allure her;

I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her”

Hosea 2:14

 

My heart drops.

 

Wow there’s so much to say how do I condense all of this for you. Stick with me guys, let’s go on a little journey. I’ve never been good at storytelling but if you’re still reading this then you care more about God’s promises than my capabilities. 

Right on.

 

In the span of this last month I have experienced staticky radio transmissions from Holy Spirit inside of me. Clarification; I’m certain God is leading me somewhere but it’s almost as if I’m either hearing his voice in my soul incorrectly or He’s only giving me a set of instructions that aren’t confirmed. Is that how this works?! That seems off. I’m still figuring this one out. 

My team was hearing we go to the desert and I was hearing 

“Go West” 

from the get-go in our prayers for ministry opportunities in Mongolia.

What the heck? 

 

I trusted Holy Spirit inside of them, but felt unsteady in my own faith in discerning God’s voice for the first time since the beginning of the race.

 

“I will lead her into the desert”

 

Here we were.

In the freaking desert.

And there I was.

Reading that page. 

At that time. 

Looking at God’s written word being given to me on a silver platter.

 

Confirmation of their attention to His voice; the body of Christ at work.

 

So I learned about this book, “Captivating” in Taiwan along with it’s pair for men, “Wild at Heart”; another team on our squad had been reading these books together. A brother on my own team, Preston, had just had his world flipped upside down from that book. What was inside of this thing?! 

 

Molls, another girl on the squad, had read the beginning of each of these books to myself and 2 other women, Heidi and Ari, in Hong Kong – a month ago. I was taken on a journey in the first few pages that opened my eyes to the Father in a way I had never seen. 

 

I wanted to understand the heart of men , the heart of the Father, so I set out to read “Wild at Heart” first and ended up never getting to it. What? Why would I want to understand them before I even understood my own design?

 

Something pushed my to buy “Captivating” the day before our trek into the desert. 

 

I dip my toe in the water and read a little piece of chapter one. 

My soul was on fire, I wasn’t even 5 pages in before every weighty thought of the doubts and lies I had been walking with had been unveiled.

 

How can I still be so shocked when God speaks to me in new ways?

 

Stay tuned for Part II 🙂