Fear, Obedience & Mornings

This morning I woke up to a quiet house, save one little stream of

purrs from one of the most handsome cats I’ve ever seen. 

 I’m in a cozy little LA neighborhood (El Segundo) with Ari,

a friend from both goes with the World Race.

 

I normally, in a sleepy haze, empty out coffee grounds then brew fresh coffee, take a seat at the kitchen counter and hop on a FaceTime, google hangout or just a phone call. My life looked exactly like this in April of 2019:

I was in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. I’d be up before 6am most days.

It was chilly, but not freezing. My team of 6 was spread out in one large room with a Chinggis Khan tapestry on the wall, 5 bunk beds and a little kitten that would sneak in and snuggle up with Zach (sometimes Stone’s belongings) at night. 

My squad lead, JD, and I would silently compete for who would be up first most mornings and the consolation prize for the second to rise would be an already poured cup of coffee.

I would roll out of bed as the rest of my team stayed sleeping, pass by JD sipping his coffee and reading his bible and call my friends and family back home.

I would listen, I would laugh, I would cry. Basic human things lol

(Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia eating our daily hot dogs outside of the CU and avoiding dust storms)

Mornings are some of my favorite moments;

Waking up before everyone else and just preparing the table for them, literally and figuratively. Having the chance to walk around and just create as much love in a space as possible before your brain has a chance to wake up and take over with tasks and worry and selfish thoughts. 

I would be so bold to say that I think God and I share that characteristic. How excited do you think He gets every extra special days He prepares our favorite meals or moments? How much fun do you think He has planning when He’s going to put something that’s going to wipe our minds for a moment (that He hopes will last longer) because of the sweetness of a memory or of an interest? For Ari and I the last three months, that’s been timely sightings of butterflies (one of which was in a boat on the middle of the ocean in Indonesia…)

 

When I’m most at rest, reflection and memories energize me. I love looking at photos and sharing and hearing stories – collections of all the little moments leading up to now.

I DEFINITELY missed that rest last month.

I was so obsessive about making the right choice about my future and about what is next that I couldn’t see that God was trying to connect with me through a month that, though the locations were worlds apart, didn’t really look all too different. 

Mongolia marked the ending of a season with my first team, my first go at team leading, and my first insight on what it meant to be a woman of God. Which can arguably all be said for last month as well; The end of my time with the world race, my first month leading myself and me cycling back around to what I believed being a woman of God looks like in me. 

How many moments do you think we miss trying to make the “right decision” based on thoughts and ideas that don’t have a rock solid foundation?

Jamie Pratt has a song called “Quiet Places” that has a section that goes:

All the time that I’ve been fighting, you were calling out my name
Fear disguised as cautious wisdom held
Me tied behind the walls that I had made
I built my fortress so that it would last,
Prayed for courage and really tried to feel brave
But at your voice all my defenses fall,
And I realize, you alone are my strength

I recently sent that song to a friend and they pointed out that bold section. I have got to be honest it had never once stood out to me in all the hundreds of times I had listened before. As I read the lyrics quoted back to me in a text I was hit with the realization that my caution of making the “right” decision was laced with wisdom not from God but from my desire to stay in step with friends and those I look up to. A place I seem to find myself in more often than I would care to admit most days.  

There’s a healthy dose of competition and some checks and balances in there, but where you get into the danger zone is when you’re not in step with the will of God on YOUR life. Even if it may not be exactly what you had pictured.

I was reminded the other night of Genesis 22:

¹After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he answered.

² “Take your son,” He said, “your only son Isaac, whom you love, go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.”

(If you have a second, you should read the rest of that section. It is a story of an incredible journey of faith, obedience, sacrifice and worship, along with God’s perfect provision and blessing.)

If I had to describe my walk with Christ this scripture would fulfill most every moment with Him starting the day I decided to follow whole-heartedly. I still see evidence of it marking my life continuously. It would appear that, like many others right now, I am in a period of trial – are we willing to take the equivalent of Isaac, Abraham’s beautiful cherished firstborn, in our own hearts, leave behind those who journey with us at the base of a mountain and trust God with whatever happens at the top in private? Or will we have the faith to even make the climb? 

I want to tell you that I am always steadfast and obedient but most times I end up thinking

 

“why have you forsaken me?!” 

 

~drama~

It’s a baby step thing for me most definitely.

This passage was the sermon that was preached when I committed my heart to Christ, and I knew exactly what ‘Isaac’ I was to take with me at the time. Again, when I was led to go on the World Race, I climbed up my mountain in faith but not without some hesitation. I found myself looking up at the base of another mountain when I was in South Asia and heard the news that people would be sent back to America because of COVID-19.

In February I had planned to be in Khaosiung, Taiwan from May until October. On May 3rd I had a flight booked back to my home in Dallas. Now? I’m still in LA… hahahahahah NEXT I have plans to be in Wrangell, Alaska in June for the summer. A mighty mountain indeed, and many plans constructed and deconstructed. 

In this trial period it’s been difficult to get out of my head, but my constant prayer has been to remember to find the mornings where I can get up and talk to friends, to drink coffee and to find ways to pour out HIS love before the day even begins. To share stories, to look at photos and to be at ease knowing that at the end “I will be made perfect, lacking in nothing.” SANCTIFICATION BABY, IT’S ALWAYS BURNIN!

(Thanks Shelbs for praying that over me too, I can feel it)

Please pray for wisdom and for strong, steady foundations as I start this climb. I really feel like a baby deer these days, just wobblin’, but like a really cute one (; 

I love you guys, I have one more blog left in me after this one and then we can wrap up with this page, stay tuned my friends. 

 

(My first team, WabiSabi, & my last team, Botanical Pandas, I love you!)

(also here is Gizmo, the aforementioned cat – known best for his water thievery as pictured above)