I’m. Tired.

It’s midnight I just made lentil soup that isn’t really soup lol

I’m tired.

More than just “end of a long day” tired too.

I am exhausted, exasperated, depleted.

I’m tired of sin, I’m tired of sinnING.

I’m tired of running away from the Lord what feels like every day.

I’m so tired of being used as a lesson.

I’m tired of other people having to be used as lessons for ME LOL 

OKAY MONTH TEN YOU GOT ME I FINALLY FEEL IT !!!! AHHHHHHH!!!

In the midst of this drama fest of perceived exhaustion there seems to be never ending reserves when it comes to sharing true hope and true peace and TRUE LOVE.

My goodness I think I’ve finally Given up all of my strength to let God just take over and it’s both strange and comforting ?! Just like God lol okay enough about me

We are working with refugees in Tyre. Yup, the very own biblical Tyre.

Two days ago was our first visit as a team and It’s a little over an hour away from our ministry site which is already an hour in traffic away from our home. Honestly I’m digging all the down time to just connect with God and listen to podcasts, thanks Lord for that little treat. 

We were told that we would be doing house visits with families prior to arriving but that was changed in the car ride there. I got so grumbly and bummed because I had Been PUMPED To go chat over some tables with people again. 

The pastor and translator asked the 3 women on the team if we had any tips on how to take care of children that we could speak on once we arrived in Tyre and we were dumbfounded. Single. So so single. So far from married. So far from being mothers. We had NOTHING. I thought I was free of the days of coming up with stuff on the fly but I felt the little panic of trying to come up with some way to share Jesus with people and do it well.

When we arrived my heart just melted; the women and their children were beautiful. Not just in appearance but the way they carried themselves. All in Hijabs and robes, holding small children they looked on at us as we walked in to a group meeting and were met with smiles and warm “Marhaba!” Greetings.

We spoke on child care but for the care of ones spirit. We talked about how we are all children in the kingdom and gave scripture and words on how to love.

”How do you want to be remembered?”

was the one question that stuck with them in the process of talking about how they discipline their children. They felt connected to that thought I didn’t understand why but I’m not a mother, maybe it wasn’t for me to truly know.

As our time closed we knew we had to come back as soon as possible and do something for the women. This place lacked women leaders and translators so these ladies only had men to pour their hearts out to, so it wasn’t happening unless it was necessity. One woman owns the building and helps run the center we were meeting in – she has a beautiful story, not unlike all the other displaced women from the war torn countries. 

As we left I felt the urge to hug and kiss this woman so I did.

She was a little stiff and I was worried I had crossed a line and did something weird culturally. I was looking out the window of the car wondering if I had madd her uncomfortable when the Pastor Who was driving started addressing me. He told me that she was not used to people kissing her cheek and she felt the joy of the Lord and love well up inside her when I did it.

I wept. 

My heart aches for these women. 

They have so many stories and so many things to give. How dare I be grumpy at not doing what I wanted?! There was so much more in store.

Today we met back up with a Group of the women and did what is called a Beauty For Ashes mini retreat – this just means that we focused on the women and asked them specific questions about their roles in life and what they believed God thought of them. We led them in a listening prayer to ask God to speak with them and to show them it’s okay to steal away for a second with Him and to allow the good and the bad memories come in so He can heal or celebrate you. 

It was amazing.

women said they had to open their eyes during the prayer because they were feeling something in their chest move and had no idea what it was. Holy Spirit was MOVING in these ladies. What I didn’t expect was to Hear stories of pain immediately about life pre-war.  It wasn’t shared freely per say, but it was shared and here was raw truth and hurt in their words. Powerful thoughts and feelings. 

These women have hope and see the love so very clearly that god wants to give them. Pray for them fervently.

Jesus is our wellspring of life. He is our provider our sustainer our source of love and energy. He is everything we need to keep going. How can we be content with being tired and exhausted now when there are people right in front of us that need that same hope?!

If I could spend every moment in that center with these women I would give up all I got in front of me right now. Whoooooo.

We can feel your prayers out here on the field this month – your prayers are helping us with hidden reserves we hadn’t no idea existed !!! Please don’t stop.

It’s late but I wanted people to know that the women in Tyre are a force to be reckoned with. They are so very powerful. 

Thanks for reading, I love you all ??

More on a Lebanon soon, I need to go to bed Lol