Holy Uncertainty

John Mark Comer is one of my favorite pastors to listen to. He has a concise and clear way of communicating both the gospel and the reality of a moment in time – it truly is a gift. If you have never listened to his sermons before, he pastors over Bridgetown Church in Portland and I highly recommend a listen.

Here is the Holy Uncertainty Link!

Today I re-listened to a sermon titled “Holy Uncertainty” on our way to get our follow up COVID test for this semesters trip to South Africa. Last week we had two girls test positive and our departure was delayed. Since then we have been seeking peace and truth together in a little house in the Georgia countryside, quarantined. To say it has been humbling is saying the least, the last year has been relatively easy-going for me as far as COVID standards goes so to feel my perception of my freedom being revoked was frustrating, but not unmanageable. More on this in a minute though.

Between the walks between beautiful sweeping green hills and admiration of horses, cows and barn kittens alike, we’ve found peace in the nature nearby. Who knew Georgia was so lovely?! I sure didn’t. But, back to the point here…

Earlier in 2021 (and I think sneakily a big chunk of 2020), if I had to label what those months were in terms of the Christian walk, was my first true “desert” season with God. A simpler way of putting that is mentioned in this sermon: my life looked like the Israelite’s walking through the desert for those 40 years being tested and taught. 

When the Israelites were led through the desert, the most straightforward journey was supposed to take 11 days, but the route God took them would have taken two years if they had stuck to all the things they were meant to, but because of their stubbornness they landed that 40 year mark instead. An 11 day journey that became two years, turned into 40 years. Just let that marinate for a moment. Here’s the scripture for the context:

¹⁷ When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them along the road to the land of the Philistines, even though it was nearby; for God said, “The people will change their minds and return to Egypt if they face war.” ¹⁸ So He led the people around toward the Red Sea along the road of the wilderness. And the Israelites left the land of Egypt in battle formation.

Exodus 13:17-18 (HCSB)

God knew that, though the Israelites BELIEVED and FELT as if they were prepared for battle and for whatever may come, the reality was that they weren’t and God knew best. Whether that felt true or not at the time, He re-routed them. John Mark also takes special mention that the hidden message in this can be seen as “it’s more about the journey”, classic right? He also says something I really liked:

“It’s not about WHERE you are, it’s about WHO you are.”

If a year ago I would have been asked to be leading a group of all women to South Africa at this time, told I would be quarantined and be driving a van to go get COVID tests in a drive through parking lot swab center, I probably would have said no and thought that it sounded super miserable, if you want me to be completely honest. But because of the route God led me through, the tests and teachings, I find my hands as wide open here as they ever have been in my life. I struggle with lust and male approval consistently, and if you want MORE extreme honesty this last year wasn’t my best work, but that’s okay, I am thankful for the lessons and for the walk all the same. Because of these testings and teachings, my joy in a group of women, especially this specific one, has increased tenfold. I’m truly thankful when I wake up to be surrounded by women who are desperately seeking God’s face as we try to relinquish control and understand that South Africa is not just a destination, but part of our overall journey in God’s kingdom. This morning we had a frank conversation about how we unknowingly seek that approval from men, and how there was some honest disappointment when we found out this was just a group of women, not all of us, but some. 

Wow. First of all, let’s take a second and applaud that honesty. That’s not something everyone is willing to admit out loud. And the cool thing is, that’s OKAY. It’s all okay. We’re all doling out grace left and right to ourselves as we walk through this together. 

I hope we have the attentiveness and graciousness collectively to take this alternate route together and come out more faithful, more loving and more joyful. If we don’t, we can rest assured that the desert will give us another opportunity to learn and try again. 

The final points that John Mark leads into is the importance of a guide through this season and through the times in our life like this and we get to CHOOSE what that guide is: our anxiety, our feelings, entertainment, other people that seem to have it together or we get to choose God as the ultimate guide over our lives. The best part when you have a guide, is you don’t know where you are going, you don’t know quite what to expect, but you know you can trust the person leading you because they’ve been there before and they know everything about where you are at and where to take you and, almost arguably more importantly at times, where not to let you walk even if you think you’re ready to take on an army. 

I pray that you find a comforting guide and that we share the same guide; Jesus our beloved friend.

I’m not going to ask you to pray that our tests are negative, I instead want to ask you to pray that this house of women finds peace no matter the circumstance starting now and trust and love follow, even if we can’t understand why we weren’t taken the shorter route. Efficiency, as it turns out, isn’t God’s immediate concern. You can’t rush sanctification. 

Thank you for your support and I hope that as summer dies, you find some beautiful things to reflect on. Give that sermon a listen, I find it as encouraging as I did the first time I listened months ago.