Month 18….or Month 1?

It’s been a little over a month since I returned back to the campus of Adventures to get ready for my fourth lap around the world. In that time we spent about a week in leadership training where I learned a lot about the people leading with me, for example:

1. Jacken is like an anime character. He slinks around in really cool clothing and knows how to have a really intellectual conversation with just about any human. His team is basically a walking Socratic circle, meditating day and night on the word, wielding that sword of truth (His influence no doubt). He also giggles like a little boy, but I don’t know if he knows that.

2. Aaron screams when he’s excited to see someone. He also knows how to impart truth and wisdom into any conversation seamlessly and confidently.He has been kind enough to play the song ‘Gratitude’ for me a hundred times since I first met him, thanks Aaron (He’s a worship leader). He’s a great hugger too. And is very hydrated 🙂

3. Heidi has her own secret detective show. I’m convinced in private, inanimate objects come to life and talk to her and tell her how to be the handiest woman I’ve ever met. She also knows scripture back and forth and can shape it into any joke or meme and still have it be holy. She also loves intimacy with the Lord as pictured above.

4. Paula is a representation of God’s goodness I’m convinced. She has eyes that follow you in the most loving ways and refuses to let you sit in anything but joy and comfort, in a healthy way. She’s also just fun to cuddle with….and cry with.

5. Linds, my co-lead, knows how to appreciate every part of life from a pigeon in a park to a man-made piece of art crafted and hung in a museum. She treats people like works of art as well and brings delicacy and airiness to every room she jumps in. Also freedom to play around no matter the circumstance. I’m thankful to walk with her a little longer (flashback to our 2020 stints in Australia, Indo and India…)

 

One of the beautiful and endearing and touching moments of our time training was the below pictured scene. Aaron washed my feet and I wept. He got a very sweet visual from the Lord of me being a Mama Elephant and I felt so loved and cared for by the Lord. Maybe another blog for another time. But it was a highlight.

Picture credit to Paula for capturing the tenderness.

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After some time of training and equipping with leadership, we headed into more training and teaching with the squad. We were set to launch as a squad of 26, including the above four alumni team leads and my co-squad lead but due to some complications, only 17 of us launched initially on January 14th to Craiova, Romania. Our first month is known as all-squad month, meaning the entirety of the group lives and works together instead of spreading out in the country. I have fond memories of these moments but had been told that as an SQL, things are more difficult. Proudly, I set out to prove that wrong….

Before I tell you how that’s going, here are some personal thoughts I’ve had so far to update you, as unfiltered as I can get them for a public forum:

Though I was recently in South Africa, the trip was a little different than the World Race, same values, but still different. So, I had to polish up my boots a little to re-enter this world and get my bearings again. If you want less vague terms, my faith has greatly increased over the years that no matter what, God will protect and provide anything truly necessary when you walk towards Him. It’s given me a lot of freedom to exist in an adaptable lifestyle that seems a little unstructured to the naked eye. But behind closed doors are lots of prayerful moments and building trust with the Lord. However, in that faith, there are small details that come with leaving the country, especially in Covid times, that you forget or miss. 

Little details like accounting, doing something called split-receipts, incident reports, privacy and check-ins with people; How to shop for a dinner to feed all 26 people adequately on $1.50 per person. Throw in balancing job responsibilities with relational aspects. It’s all real-life stuff that just feels amplified in a bubble when you have 24 hours a day with people 6.5 days a week (Thank you Sabbath). I’m a little older now, a little more tired and a little out of the game, admittedly. But the flip-side of that is a fresh perspective. I’m not IN the bubble as deeply, so I have some skin in both the World Race and what life looks like after. Weathered, if you will.

Thanks, God. You knew I needed time away to better be seasoned. 

So we get to Romania and we go through an orientation where they tell us that Craiova is known as the graveyard for people in ministry settings. The stress is great here, and the aftermath of the Iron Curtain is still palpable (picture for reference above). We are in the southern part of the country and within this city there is evidence of European influence in some of the architecture, but the communist building structures still outnumber the former. It’s bleak; anyone that isn’t considered ‘the youth’ is pretty hesitant with us….ah yes, familiar feelings of rejection I had forgotten come with getting connected for more than a quick travel. 

My time in Africa was both literally and figuratively warm-natured. It had excited me to get back outside and talk to people and experience culture. What I quickly learned was that even in my maturation over the years, I’m still privy to the schoolgirl feelings of belonging, being accepted and wanted, and getting a little scared to approach strangers when I’m feeling insecure. I’m still not immune to missing some people in the crowd and not being the best steward of my time and energy. In other words, I’m still not perfect. Honestly what a blessing, being perfect sounds exhausting. 

So, back to the launching as a MIGHTY 17 with little old me and Heidi. 

There are some differences I didn’t expect in this role shift. I have done every season as a Team Lead so far; it’s intimate. It’s sweet. It’s gut-wrenching. You shepherd a little flock that is tender and pokey and by the end you see The Potter’s hand at work in such a beautiful way you are moved time and time again. It’s my sweet spot and how I naturally operate. SQL, so far, has been similar but….not. It requires more attention to detail, better self-management and discipline, boundaries and humility and a lot of distributing not fun information all the time. A visual for how it feels are the old-fashioned manual telephone switch boards, where someone calls you and you have to plug them into the right line in order to help them. It’s still intimate, but in a different way. It’s still tender, but in a rough around the edges way, it’s a contradiction and it’s not my natural mode of operation. 

Slowly the leads trickled in as things got sorted out, but I was in this role as a solo SQL for a couple weeks. It was hard, but every day I had a gut-centered peace I knew could only come from God and every day I was in constant amazement by His provision to keep me going just a little bit longer and make just one more decision. That’s the other thing, everything in this role, every decision feels so weighty. I don’t know if its sacrilege to wonder if God feels this way too, but I count the cost of every word I say, every minute I spend with someone and every role I direct them into within this ministry we are partnering with this month. I feel the weight of my decisions so heavily and a realization that any moment could shift someones entire experience during these 11 months. Maybe that’s too big of a feeling and maybe I think I have more power than I do in that, but in a weird way I’m thankful. I’ve never prayed so much and I’ve rarely felt this kind of love for people like I do on this squad. It’s not a frilly love that I enjoy the same way, it’s a focused and enduring love. It is incredible.

We’re a complete family of 26 now, everyone is on the field. We’re trucking along and we’re over halfway done with the month! I’ll wait to share more fun accounts until my next blog. As for the answer to my quest….I’ll wait to tell you how that goes at the end but I’m understanding what everyone has meant.

Until then, I want to close with something I’ve been mulling over.

In some prayer time in the morning, I was reading over the story of Jehoshaphat in the bible and felt like a verse was meant for a friend. Later in the day, our hosts taught on the same story. Always cool when that happens. But I re-visited that verse in between sleeps this morning, wondering if I also could glean something from it. (I’m sick right now, so I have some time to think) So, I stumbled across an article:

 

“We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”
2 Chron. 20:12

 

“When the Old Testament king Jehoshaphat received word that three armies had conspired together and were coming against him in one massive assault, he made a decisive and unconventional leadership move.

Every leader around the globe is in a similar predicament.

Faced with the three-pronged advance of a global health pandemic, a world economy that’s come to a screeching halt, and the personal crisis of anxiety and fear—what can we learn from this ancient leader that’s applicable today?

The odds weren’t good for Jehoshaphat, and, honestly, they aren’t that great for a lot of families and businesses right now.

Deep down, most leaders who have weathered brutal storms know that we’ll get through it. We always do. We will endure the carnage and emerge from the depths to grow and prosper again. But that’s going to take time—a long time. Right now, we’re in the valley of the shadow of death.

So how do we lead through these dark hours?

First, he called the people to seek God. The King prayed this transformational twelve-word prayer—We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you.

We don’t all have the liberty to corporately call our people to seek God. But every leader does have the opportunity to privately seek heaven’s help before leading others into the fray.

By nature, leaders are confident, skilled, and battle tested. So often we roll out of bed and start leading the charge. It’s easy to wake up, survey the landscape, and immediately focus on solving problems, creating opportunities, and marshalling the troops.

Yet, ultimately, any leader is only as durable as the humility that undergirds them—the humility that drives them to first seek help from the Lord.

The hallmark of every great leader is the ability to lead oneself. This means facing your limitations and leaning on your Maker. We lead best by allowing God to lead us. 

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A word came to the king and a battle plan was set in motion. Jehoshaphat was told, “You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you” (2 Chron. 20:17).

God isn’t asking you to over-spiritualize your situation: “Hey guys, we’re just going to trust God with our enterprise and see what happens! Sit back and relax.”

No way.

Check out all the active verbs: Take up your position. Stand firm. Look. Go out. Face them.

Yet, as you go, keep the oxygen of God’s supernatural supply flowing with your every breath. In his Spirit power you can find the power to do what Jehoshaphat did next.

He set out. He stood up. He spoke. (v.20)

Set out in faith that God is with you.
Stand up on the Rock of Ages.
Speak with authority because God will not fail.

Then Jehoshaphat did one final thing before heading into the battle—he praised God. The king thanked God in advance for the victory God had promised.

With God’s help, Jehoshaphat and his army experienced God’s deliverance in the battle. In the same way, God is going to deliver you.

Dear God, I lift my eyes to You. Please disrupt my false sense of control and my overblown confidence in my own abilities. I humbly bow and ask for your supernatural strength, wisdom and courage so I can endure these days and lead myself and others with faith for the future. My daily prayer will be: I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on you. Lead me and use me as an agent for your glory. In Jesus name, Amen.”

Here’s the whole article by Louie Giglio

 

 

I can’t think of a better prayer or any original words better than that. It spoke to me and I’m sitting on it still. “We don’t know what to do but our eyes are on you.” In humble submission, I will find myself saying this a trillion times a day now. Please pray that over all of us. It’s a wild season, and I’m excited to see how it shakes out…

Until next time 🙂